you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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