It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
