Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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