Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize