i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You made out with two different species that night
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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