Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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