your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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