like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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