I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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