i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
