i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
