puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
