that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
