I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
