You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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