Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
