I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
