Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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