i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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