I feel like I'm in dance class right now
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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