I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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