take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
