At least make sure they are 18
Why
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
