Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
