i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
a search helicopter?!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
