she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
