I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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