k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
