he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize