You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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