she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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