I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
