Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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