I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
