I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize