Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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