Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
