I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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