The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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