I'm really into asian looking animals
wanna go halves on a baby?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
