Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish you could order shots online.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Alive.
So much puke
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
