If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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