There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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