Little spoons don't ask big questions
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
