So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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