i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
