found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
