just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
