I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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