walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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