Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
