Moan for me like Helen Keller
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
