You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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