Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
