just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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