Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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