My friends, they love my intelligence
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
