My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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