I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
