Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
