Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
