just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
