apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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