Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
