i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
