are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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