I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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