I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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