he shaved USA in his pubs
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
